We Can't Not

I have a daughter. She's six years old. Her name was Lola. She woke up the other morning and she as a cold. She goes, "Mommy, how did I get sick?" I go, Lola, this happens. It's natural; it's normal. We can get it from our friends, or we get it from school. It just happens. She says, "Tyler was sick; I must have gotten it from him.

She then replies, "I can't not!"

I go, you can't not what? Lola replies, "I can't not be with him!" "I can't not play with him!"

This sentiment hit my heart so profoundly. Two years ago, someone stole Lola, and I's imagery, and they use it as their own. And they continue to do it. And they pretend that they're us, and they sell that imagery. And we have taken legal action, and unfortunately, it is still happening.

I said to myself, That's it. I'm out closing off and taking Lola off my social media. I had one job as a mother: to protect her, and I had failed.

If you know my family, you know we are a tight-knit group. Lola has been traveling with us for work since she was six months old. We are so connected, and removing that part of myself from my art, which is my creation on social media, was challenging. Lola teaches me; she guides me to show up better and to remove this part because of the risk. So now this six-year-old, who knows the risk of getting sick, from her friend Tyler but she can't not.

How often are we showing up fully present, then the world weighs heavy on us, and little by little, we start closing off cause of the risk.

The shitty thing about shitty things that happen is they're usually the best thing in your life. They teach you something valuable, allow you to grow, the push you to a more dynamic place. For example, in the past two years, I have done my deepest work, from micro-dosing shrooms, EMDR, and breathwork, and built an extremely dense toolkit.

When Lola said she can't not; I realized that's right; we can't not show up fully present in our lives; it would be a disservice to our community, our family, and ourselves. So I vowed to show up fully present who I am, whoever that might be, because I can't not.